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Thursday, July 9, 2009

Anatomy of An Affair

Two people get married and vow that they will be faithful to one another. They cannot imagine being unfaithful. They are deeply in love. It isn't long before the fire of faithfulness doesn't burn so brightly. Many times marriages just like this one will include an affair. Why is this?

A man talks his way into a woman's heart. She loves to hear from him. She wants to know what he is thinking. She wants to know his heart so she talks with him. He woos her with his words. He shares his heart. She falls in love with him. She, in return, gives him her admiration. She wins his heart. They get married.

Soon after marriage many men stop trying to win their wives' hearts. They stop talking. Conversations become grunts in front of the tv. The wife tries to continue the relationship she had before the marriage. She wants him to talk to her. He keeps listening but not talking. He thinks she will eventually stop talking if he listens. He even reasons that she wants him to listen. She doesn't. She wants him to talk.

So, she talks, talks, talks, talks and talks. He gets more and more silent. She gets frustrated. There is one way that she can get him to talk to her. She can make him mad! She brings up something that he needs to do. It can be anything around the house, in their finances or with their children. He sees this as nagging and begins to get angry. However, he does start talking to her. She has withdrawn her admiration. He has withdrawn his conversation. They are no longer winning each other's hearts.

The man goes to work or to the bar or to a hobby and starts to talk to a woman who happens to be there. He tells her how hard he works and how unappreciated he is at home. He tells this woman that his marriage is in terrible shape even though he has done all these things for his wife. He talks and starts to win the heart of the woman he is talking to. Meanwhile, this new woman starts to give this man admiration. They are quickly winning each others' hearts. An affair begins.

Meanwhile the wife is frustrated too. She may not know of the affair yet but wants her marriage to be what she expected when she got married. She makes an appointment with her pastor. She tells him her frustrations. He starts talking to her because he believes he must give her comfort through her difficult time. She starts telling the pastor how much he means to her- how his caring is helping her cope with things. The pastor's talking is winning her heart. Her admiration is winning his. Many churches don't know why their pastor has had an affair. The answer is simple: the pastor and a counselee followed the formula for an affair.

Satan comes to Eve in the Garden of Eden. He talks with her. Why? He wants to win her heart. He isn't just interested in her sinning. He knows that it is easy to get someone to sin when he owns the heart. Adam, who happens to be there listening (check the scripture and you will see that he was there with her), is silent. Eve eats the fruit because Satan has already captured her heart.

The heart must be won by each of the people in a marriage each day. Men need to share their hearts in order to win their wives' hearts. Women need to give their husbands admiration to win their husbands' heart. Failure does not always end in an affair but it certainly creates the atmosphere for one.

Men try talking to your wife tonight. Share your day. Share your own frustrations. Share what your plans are. Women try telling your husband how important he is to you. Tell him something that you admire about him. I'll bet you'll see a difference in each other. This is not all that you need to do but it is a big step in making your marriage affair-proof!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My husband is a geek...forever in front of the computer,doing hi-tech stuff and has a good fan base in the internet world admiring his work.He hardly talks to me.what do i do?Its so painful to be in such a relatioinship.