Search This Blog

Monday, November 2, 2009

When Couples Fight Over Money

A survey says that couples fight over money more than anything else. I have found that money has a strange hold on people. It can make brothers and sisters disown one another. It can make people spread lies about each other. It can ruin lifelong friendships. Should we be surprised that it also makes people who otherwise love each other passionately to fight with each other?

The Bible says that money is a root of all sorts of evil. I actually think we could have figured this out. People think that it will enable them to do what they want. They think that the lack of it keeps them from what they want. Disagreements and fights will be found when the lack of money affects core values. In other words, the wife will spend money for new clothes when her core value is being dressed nicely. The husband will fight with the wife over money if he does not have such a value. His value is found in scuba diving. He cannot save the money for the trip he would like to take if she continues to spend money on clothes. She cannot have the money she needs for clothes if he continues to go scuba diving. A fight is around the corner.

Money must have defined boundaries for peace. The couple must make some agreements which will not be violated. There must be a promise not to spend any money or an agreed upon limit without communicating with each other. Every violation will cause a fight. Trust will be eroded and soon the marriage will be in real trouble.

The lack of money can mean a lack of security for one member of the couple. There may never be enough money if one of the couple has a fear that they will become destitute. They see a large bank account as a secure future. This can cause hoarding and also destroy a marriage. Again, a reasonable boundary needs to be drawn. Fights will end once the couple decides to keep this boundary solid.

Many couples need to enter a program which will help them define monetary boundaries. Often, they are embarrassed to do so. They believe there is some flaw within themselves if they have to seek outside help. They would rather live in misery rather than get help. Does that make sense?

Let me put it this way. I am on a diet. I had to get some outside help to keep me on this diet. I had tried to do so before without help but I was losing. I have gotten help and lost several pounds. I could have lived in my miserable condition but I sought help. Why can't people seek help when they have financial problems? It is no different from going on a prescribed diet. The is that this diet has to do with spending rather than eating.

Get some help if you and your spouse are fighting over money. It could save your marriage and give you many more restful nights. Speak to your spouse about it today. Then do so right away.

Maybe your church has a program offered. You could possibly take a course by Dave Ramsay or someone else who gives couples advice on money. Just don't keep putting it off.

No comments: