Did God know what He was talking about when He said that we should wait for sex until marriage? Didn't sex lose its dangers when we learned how to prevent pregnancy? Didn't we liberate ourselves to a freedom of sexual expression when we took the social stigma out of sex before marriage? Haven't we made marriage special since it is no longer a motivation for sex?
The dangers of the sexual revolution were unseen by those who have disregarded God's word. We have learned much more about the dangers of sex outside of marriage without regard to pregnancy. We have seen the destruction of the nuclear family, the insecurity of children and unfaithfulness of those in marriage as a result of sexual impurity.
Sex is reserved for a married couple because it represents something special kept for the one person they will marry. The act itself is special. It should be a celebration of commitment rather than a shameful act committed in the backseats of cars on lonely roads. It should be kept in innocence with no one else to compare it to. It should be done with a freedom of the mind so that there are no thoughts of someone else when it is completed. It should be the ultimate act of faithfulness of one who has waited for the other person who has also waited. It should be given without holding back. Holding back comes from believing it is only a physical act. It should involve the whole person. Sex should be understood in a spiritual context. It should include rather than exclude the presence of God. It should be as pure as any act a Christian can commit.
Remove the dangers of sexual diseases and pregnancy and sex outside of marriage still has many consequences. It fosters a need for performance rather than commitment. Sex outside of marriage does not have the commitment of sex in a marriage. The act compares itself to past lovers in physical size and performance. Thus, we have a shady industry which cons people into buying products that promise to make them better at the sex act. Better than what? Better than they have had before is the answer. In fact, performance is the main word used by the shady industry. Notice it no longer is an act of love but performance. God created sex for procreation and enjoyment, not scoring higher than you have ever scored before.
The person who treated the sex casually will have difficulty in treating it with commitment after marriage unless carefully walking with the Lord. The Christian understands that his or her body belongs to the Lord. If so, Christians cannot simply do as they please with these bodies. Simply put, it is easier to fail in sexual purity after marriage if there is a failure before marriage. However, it should be understood that marriage cannot be based on a lose commitment of the body. It is not built on a 99% commitment of faithfulness. It must be built on total commitment if the couple is fully give themselves to each other in every area of their lives.
You cannot recreate a first time for anything. We tend to remember our first times for things that are special in our lives. You cannot help but remember this act for the rest of your life. It must be guarded.
God forgives those who have failed. He can fix broken things. He can take those who will turn to Him fully and make them new again. He can take those who have failed and still give them victory. It will take the husband and wife committing themselves anew to presence of God in their marriage to fix the brokenness of sex outside marriage. It will take time to heal the hurt that it causes.
(Tomorrow I will write my blog on why and how you should carefully choose a marriage partner.)
Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.