Most mothers are great. They seem to have a natural desire to take care of their children. Their sense of nurture very often exceeds that of the fathers. I don't know if it is because the child is carried by her for nine months that makes a mother love her child so much. I just know that mothers want to take care of their children.
This caring can become an addiction for some mothers. They want to protect their children from any hardships. They influence the environments around their children to make sure they are placed first in every line. They manipulate their children to become more. They also manipulate them to be totally dependent upon their mothers.
This is especially true of mothers with their sons. I don't know why but mothers watch their sons even more closely. Many do all they can to control their sons. Many sons appreciate all the work their mothers did. If they don't, some of these mothers will remind them of all they did for their sons.
These moms will be especially threatened when their sons begin looking for wives. These potential wives become competition for the mother. These girls are doomed if the obsessed mother can't control them. The addicted mom will begin her work of manipulation, brow beating and sabotage to get her son to reject the girl she can't manipulate.
This mom will continue to control the life of her son after he marries. He will have to call or come by each day. She will always have some favorite meal or even a chore that will obligate him to continue communicating. This mom will do what it takes to keep her son close by her side.
Meanwhile the wife feels like she is being cheated on. She resents having to go to her mother-in-laws for every holiday. She resents the time her husband must spend with his mom. She doesn't know exactly what to do but she wants a husband that binds himself with her. She wants him to love his mother but she hates the control her mother-in-law has over her husband and her family.
God had an answer from the very beginning: A man must separate himself from his mother and father and be bound to his wife. This means he consciously removes himself from the former connection he has had to bond in a new way with his wife. He draws new parameters so that his wife- not his mother- is the most important woman in his life. He makes this so clear that his wife feels special.
Sure, this may hurt mom. She will get over it if she wants to have any relationship with her son. The son must keep those boundaries clear. The son must be consistent. Mom will return to her old ways if she is allowed. She may (she most likely will) act with bitterness and further hurt feelings to continue her pattern of manipulation. She will pull out every stop to regain her control over her son but he must keep the boundaries in tact.
Mom will come around if the son will continue to keep loving, reasonable boundaries. She can have a stronger relationship than ever if she wants. However, it is not the sons responsibility to make his mother see the light. She must come around because his door is open to her within certain boundaries.
Is this hard? Yes, it may be the hardest thing a son must do.
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.