Looking for An Open Door

Several years ago I went through depression. I suppose you would have to call it mild because it only lasted for a few weeks. I was in a miserable situation. I was unproductive in my ministry. I was a Singles Minister and people were leaving the church. Some of those were singles. I was working harder and harder to keep them. My reasoning was that I was just not working hard enough to keep them in the church. As time progressed things got worse.

I wanted to leave but I had no opportunity to do so. I prayed for another church to "steal" me away but none called. I begged God to move me but He was silent. I bartered with God to move me and I would do some things that I previously would not do but God was uninterested. I blackmailed God by telling Him I would leave the ministry if He didn't move me. He told me that He could do everything He needed without me but I couldn't do anything I needed without Him. I was depressed.

Depression is like going into a dark room and desperately trying to find a door that doesn't exist. My real problem was I didn't want to take the door God provided. I really didn't want to totally turn my life over to Him. I wanted to reserve my problems for myself. For some reason, problems are precious.

I finally gave in. The depression left and eventually God moved me.

I wonder if that's what its like for others or if I am just weird. Do others feel like they are in a dark room looking for a door that's not there? Is it always because we are unwilling to accept God's provision and give Him our problems? Is this really a faith problem?

I know what happened to me but am I weird?