If Possible, Be Forgiven

 November 12, 2024

Tuesday

I find that forgiveness is a universal problem. There seem to be as many people who need to forgive as those who need to be forgiven. (There may be more that need to be forgiven but they are so blind to what they have done that they do not realize they need to be forgiven. Maybe you know some of these people.) Let's just talk about those who need to be forgiven right now.

First, the person must realize that he has done something that is a violation of the other person. This may be as simple as hurting feelings or genuinely causing financial or bodily harm. The person who was harmed may automatically forgive but that will not make things right until this offense is acknowledged.

Second, the offending person must confess to the one who was violated. This is not informing the person what happened. More than likely, he already knows what happened. Confession expresses grief over the transgression. This is why it must not include excuses for the violation. Saying it was caused by stress or hunger or fear or anything else will not diminish the harm that was caused. Confession must be as pure as possible without any requirement of forgiveness being given. It may desire forgiveness but it can't expect it. The effort here is to make the transgressor vulnerable by confession. This means that the refusal to forgive after confession changes nothing in the confession. The confessor is at the mercy of the person who should forgive.

Third, forgiveness does not return things back to where they were before the transgression. Trust is not the same as forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that needs to be given. A gift is not earned or it isn't a gift. The person forgiving is administering grace. Trust is earned. Violation of trust brings trust down to zero. Building trust back is faithfulness plus time. It may take some time before things can return back to where they were before.

Many will argue that the one who was hurt may have also done some things that hurt the one confessing. That may be possible but as long as people are taking a tally of who was hurt first or who was hurt most, no one will receive forgiveness.

It takes a lot of resolve to confess to others so that you can gain their forgiveness. It means that you hold your tongue when they strike back. It means that you are silent when they accuse you of something greater than you did. You take these blows to make things right with the knowledge that they may never reciprocate. You cannot make someone forgive you nor can you make them recognize their own need for forgiveness. You must do what is in your power to make things right. 

It's in their hand after that.

Romans 12:18 (NASB 2020) ¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.