I have been struggling with something. I speak of peace to others but find that I lack it for myself too often. I feel like the biggest hypocrite. I am telling people how to have something that I don't always have.
You see, a crisis hits and I get anxious. I go back to the Lord after I have bellyached about it enough. Worry becomes the dominant emotion. I must believe that worry will solve the problem since that is my first line of defense. Later, I tell the Lord I can't do anything about the crisis and do my best to place it in His hands. This is when I discover how far away I have gotten from Him. I make a new commitment. I ask to be filled with the Spirit. I walk by the Spirit, pray in the Spirit and plead that the Spirit makes utterances for me that I can't make. Peace always comes but not until I have truly trusted in the Lord.
Why isn't that natural for me? Surely, I know the Lord and know everything that I need to do. Surely, I should never have a day when anxiety rules. Yet, I find myself just like those who enter my office with their worries. I have allowed the world to conform my mind and I am thinking like the world.
So, I am trying to tell people to have peace when I know there are all too frequent times when I lack peace. Fortunately, the Lord didn't even leave me to this worry. He lead me to the Scriptures again.
Philippians 3:12 (ESV)
12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I
press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
The Apostle Paul admitted that he hadn't arrived at his final state. He admits that he hasn't reached perfection. In other words, he doesn't have it all yet.
I was relieved. I don't have it all either. I don't preach because I have arrived. I preach because God is leading me. I press on to that upward calling. The tension will always be there. I will always have further to go. I don't have to have perfected something before I preach on it. I must listen to the Spirit and reveal to others what the Spirit says.
A leader hasn't arrived at the destination. The leader is just in front of those who are going to that destination. The leader presses on to be in front.
I am imperfect in my own walk. I have not attained a completed status. I am pressing hard to get ahead of those whom I will disciple. That's my role. That is the role of every Christian leader.
You know, I have peace in that.
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