Afraid of the Light

I have heard of people who are afraid of the dark. I don't remember being afraid of the dark even when I was a child. I would get up in the middle of the night to do something and never turn on the light. My little toes have often regretted that decision. I didn't know where everything was like I thought I did.

No, I have been much more afraid of the light. Light reveals things. Thus, I look much better in the dark.

And that's not just my physical being.

I seldom desire to have light shine on my soul. I am afraid of what will be discovered. How many people would really want others to know everything they have done? How many are afraid of learning what they have already done?

You see, we don't even know the things we have done unless they are taken into the light. Often we don't remember or recognize something we have done which can have significant adverse affects on our lives. Sometimes we know what we have done but pretend that they have never done unless someone brings them up. Then, we justify our bad actions by pointing out the bad actions of others. This doesn't work with God because He hasn't ever done anything bad. We are simply exposed.

Maybe that's why some people are afraid to come back to church. Maybe they are afraid that a few moments with God will allow Him to enter their lives and find their faults. They are afraid of admitting their faults and repenting of them. They are afraid that God will chastise them. It seems so much better to ignore God, stay out of the light and never have to admit your faults.

But is it really better? I have never found that pretending made my reality change positively. Even admitting a failure is better than pretending a failure is a success. Unacknowledged failures have a way of coming back to haunt me. They are unresolved. They often beget others just like them.

But if I take a true path, I will seek His will and find myself before very long in His presence. I will see my own transgressions as He sees them. I will repent and He will carry them away. I will wonder as I have wondered so many times before,:"Why was I afraid of the light?"

You simply can't walk in His light when you walk in your own personal darkness.

John 3:19-21 (ESV)
¹⁹ And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. ²⁰ For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. ²¹ But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”