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Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Do All Dogs Go to Heaven?

We have a Jack Russell Terrier. (Several of you are nodding at this point and already know what I am about to say.) Her name is Jackie. She is the most loving dog we have ever owned--though I use the word "owned" loosely. No one owns this dog. She is her own person.

Once we had a ham which was pushed back in our freezer until we forgot about it. We found the ham when we cleaned out the freezer. My wife simply threw it in the trash. We left the house with the ham in the trash and the dog in the house. Upon returning the trash was strewn all over the house. Jackie's punishment for getting in the trash is having to stay outside. She was waiting by the door in acticipation of her banishment. We put her out and picked up all the trash but forgot about the ham.

That night we let her back into the house and she went to sleep in the rocker recliner next to our bed right after we went to bed. About thirty minutes after we went to bed I heard the recliner squeek as it does when Jackie gets either into or out of it. About thirty minutes later I hear it squeek again. Then, every hour later the same sequence of events occurs.

When we got up Jackie is desperate for water. We filled her bowl twice and she drank it as fast as she could. On the way out of the bedroom my wife tripped over the ham bone. Jackie had eaten the entire ham overnight. We put the whole crime together from the evidence.

After finding the ham Jackie ate as much as she could while we were gone. She made sure that she had hidden the ham in our bedroom before we got home. She did not touch the ham as long as we were home and awake but had every intention of having snacks all night as soon as we went to bed. She waited until she thought we were asleep before she got up and ate as much as she could. Then, she would take a little nap in between snacks so that she could eat more. This ham made her incredibly thirsty since one bowl of water would not slake her thirst.

This nefarious crime was premeditated. It was not a crime of passion but one in which she carefully thought out her actions. She took her punishment for getting into the trash knowing we would forget about the ham since she had taken everything out of the trash can, scattered it to the maximum limit of the house and hung her head like she was really sorry for her crime just before we put her outside. She cleverly deceived us.

I think Beagles will probably go to heaven. We had a Beagle and she was one of the sweetest dogs you could ever own. I think sheep dogs will go. They work hard for their keep. However, I don't think we will find any Jack Russell Terriers in heaven--at least not Jackie!

What do you think?

1 comment:

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