I haven't blogged for nearly two months. I haven't felt like it.
Part of the problem has been my back pain. Feeling bad is frustrating. However, it has made me learn some things that I didn't want to learn.
I didn't want to learn that I needed others. I needed people to take me to a procedure I had recently. I had to have someone drive me home. I don't like imposing on people. I always feel like that's what I am doing. I found that people look forward to times when they can help. That is their ministry. My stubborn independence was keeping them from doing things that were a blessing for both of us.
I didn't want to learn that I couldn't do all the things I have always done. I have always moved all my furniture, mowed my own grass, repaired the house, etc. The time has come when I no longer can. Sure, I will do these things when possible but this is a fact of life all people have to face. There will come a day when I will no longer be able to drive--of course, I would like to say that day won't come until I am at least 100 but I know it will come. I don't need to have my children take away the keys. I need to give them the keys before that day comes. My back pain has ushered some of the things I can't do now but someday it will just be age that causes me to give up what I have always done.
I didn't want to learn that I was mortal. Like most people I believed I was invulnerable. Nothing could really hurt me. Now that I have experienced real pain I realize how fragile I really am. I think it will make me more careful in the future. The deterioration of this body is God's way of telling me when it is time to go home to Him. The preservation of this body is my answer for doing His ministry. If I stay in the best shape I can, God can use me to the fullest. Then, when He is ready for me to come home, I will eject from this worn out husk that was never intended to be permanent.
I guess every cloud does have a silver lining. Or, maybe God uses painful experiences for good too.
